I’ve sucked living up to the part of this bargin where I would write a little everyday. The last week has vanished before my eyes and has left me with a massive smile and vague feeling of weightlessness. So far, 25 is looking pretty alright.
Over the last week, I’ve realized that the few friends left in town are people to rely upon. Some are in the same place as me. Deep in that blackness which requires a decision, but other than general basics, (mustfindcity) the right step is hard to find. To talk all of this through with them, and to commit to how scary these constant risks are, allows me to reestablish calm. We’re not alone in our stuggles whether they are very different, nearly the same or a bit of both.
With this, the patience of my family and the appearance of the sun, I’ve realized I haven’t felt so good in so long. The London winter is notoriously difficult. For a rainy city in the summer, its cold slush from the skies and wind so icy it burns seems a bit overdone. Even though I was happy in the place I lived, happy in my job, incredibly lucky with those I call my friends and excited by the man in my life – there was just a constant gloom. Who knew I just needed a week of a central New York summer sun?
It surprised me as well.
Don’t get me wrong – still miss all of the above. Miss London like an old lover, but I’m beginning to come around to this new life. I adore my job. I’ve spent the last week cleaning out the gallery, which includes throwing away years of crap from the old blacksmith barn. It gives us both a fresh new start. Me with something to dedicate myself too / build a passion for, and for the building, a fresh coat of paint with a side of organization.
(Organization turns me on just a little bit).
But this calm feeling – it is incredible. As I work, I feel all the tension steadily vanish and with that, I can feel my book coming. Words are starting to work again in my mind as I develop the narrative voice for Release. It was too soon before, but maybe not now. Not when my body is beginning to brown in the sun and the days are so long and warm.
So, without a moment longer to delay my metaphorical pen – I’m off to write.