Since I’ve had this blog, I’ve lived through several chapters of my life. It is weird to think that each of them have been recorded here…
Chapter Two began with the shattering realization that I was back in my high school bedroom (changed as it was, thanks to my sister) for the foreseeable future. In this moment of weakness, another hidden piece of myself surfaced and demanded attention. Months of a muted existence resulted in the discovery of my depression. It was beyond the challenges that I’d faced abroad, but this time I had my family. As my confidence was rebuilt, with much support, I met a man that I could love with a full heart.
Chapter Three began with the world’s entrance into 2014. My boss at the gallery resigned and the title of Interim Executive Director was placed on my green and nervous shoulders. The board gave me permission to hire back my old colleague, and I took the cautious steps to lead our organization – one day at a time, one event at a time and one term at a time. The man I’d loved became a boy in my eyes, and with a hard realization, I was once again a single woman – struggling with the weight of criss-crossing emotions, but this time excelling. Each month, I found a stronger stride and felt a change coming. There was a new content feeling, a taste of happiness that I’d not felt in years.
Today, I am aware of the start of a new chapter. After a weekend full of temptations that would bring me back to a place where shutting the blinds was easy, I said no. The mystery of my recent strong motivation has not yet surfaced, but with it I have been able to work towards long-set goals and checked them off the list with energy to spare. There is a fresh devotion to my work. A fresh devotion to my freedom as an independent woman and a new devotion to the path that is laid before me. My decisions the bricks. My confidence the cement.
I am content with the present. I am happy.
Of course, what Chapter Four will bring is unknown, but where the doors have closed on my past I am now comfortable to turn away. It is time to look forward and that’s just exciting.