As I always say, I aim to be as honest as possible.
So, here it goes…
With my novel, I started with ambition. A glass of wine, the curtains closed, a new document open. I closed my eyes, took a breath and began to recall my last night in London – a moment I thought would open this on a strong note. The more I got into the scene, the fleshing out of the details, the more I began to realize this was the first time I allowed myself to really think about my life since I’ve landed stateside.
However, the moment I stopped, satisfied with what I had put down for the night, the tears began to flow. The wine was finished and I logged onto facebook to find solace chatting to my friends still in the city I call home, (mostly by accident and in conversation). To say it honestly: it really hurt to reflect upon the life, the people and job that I miss and worked so hard to maintain and keep.
And it hurt more than I expected…
Everyday since then, I’ve sat to write about it – but convinced myself to start with a bit of free-writing to clear my head. The night ends with me having only worked on a piece irrelevant to any permanent pieces in my life.
And spending hours on the damn thing.
Clearly, something this independent / strong woman ( 😛 ) doesn’t want to admit, is that it’s too soon. It is far too soon to dive into the memories. The only way I can think to explain it, is in terms of a relationship. After the love of your life breaks up with you, you don’t want to spend the next month thinking about all the most tender, touching, heart-pounding moments that filled you with life and excitement.
You want to punch them.
… And I’ve only been here for two weeks.
So, I need to go about this differently. I’m going to aim to spend one day a week with the project, which I have – for the moment – entitled ‘Release.’ The rest of the time I will return my attention back on the book, because in this moment fiction is more comprehensible than reality. Something I know we’ve all be through or we wouldn’t be readers and writers.
This is where it all stands. Honest.
Now, in regards to the fitness – right on schedule. My aim to break a sweat four days a week has been met, and I’m feeling good. I’ve started getting my diet back on track with lots of raw veg and cutting out the bread, (which makes my stomach feel like an uncomfortable brick anyway).
Here’s to another week in my high school bedroom. xx, Kristin