Sometimes, I forget that the whole point of me…
That the whole point of this…
Is to write.
It’s a horrible thing to admit, but when you are first out there trying to find a sliver of a path in the dark, the things you value the most begin to fall the to the bottom of your knapsack. Right now, as I frantically work out where I’m headed, what I’m doing and attempt to find a direction, I have this nagging feeling that I have something that will make everything okay, but I can’t remember what it is. I feel like as I sit at my computer to apply for another selection of career minded, tier 2 qualified jobs in the United Kingdom, that there is something I’m missing.
Of course the answer: WRITE.
The little I’ve done since submitting my dissertation on my book makes my stomach turn, as much as the job hunt. I’ve managed to plot out to the end of my book (another 30-45,000 words), completely edit part one of what I have so far, but it is not enough. It’s not enough, and I know it. I miss the days of earning my degree where all I was expected to do was work on my book and I can honestly say, I couldn’t have been happier.
Friends and family can vouch for that.
So now, as I stand in the dark, all I can make out is a depressing fork in the road. Two different directions of things I desperately want, but that this point I cannot see them merging. While that might change if I can hold onto the hope and get those feelings of strength and positivity to resurface, right now, it seems I must pick one. Either I choose to put myself into fight to stay in the UK, giving all spare moments to job hunting, or I lessen that burden, work the jobs I have now that won’t keep my visa going, and put 100% of myself back into my book.
London, the city that inspires me.
Writing, the biggest part of my passion.
Now, I know I’m not alone in this. And while everyone is putting aside their lives for NaNoWriMo, I can’t even begin to imagine taking on that challenge this year. Instead, I’m going to have to offer myself a new challenge. Between working two part-time jobs, finishing up a design project, making sure I get to the gym for mental and physical health, working full-time at a pub and applying for those government qualified tier 2 jobs, I WILL work on my book two hours a day. Somehow I WILL fit this into my life, and I know I’ll be the happier for it. I’m not surrendering on my book, I never will, and this is my writing challenge for the month of November. (I am still moving full-steam to an early Spring finish).
In the meantime, if anyone knows of a position for a very much qualified and motivated:
Graphic Designer (including web stuff and media relations)
Illustrator (yes, I can actually use all of the Adobe Creative Suite and well)
Writer (self-explanatory if you know my blog)
Publisher (worked at a newspaper, got the M.A. degree)
Anything that qualifies in the tier 2 graduate visa scheme (I’m employable and dedicated)
Send me an email – email@example.com – with the details, or if YOU want me, I’ll send you my pretty little CV (which I’ve created with InDesign) ASAP!
Best of luck to everyone out there going though something similar. I feel you.
Struggling writers UNITE!